When the Ones Who Lift Us Need Lifting
How to bear the burdens of a despairing friend.
"Do you think that you can reprove words, when the speech of a despairing man is wind?" - Job in Job 6:26
Quick Take
This verse can enlighten us to be better friends.
Job regularly strengthened and encouraged others who suffered. However, his friends heard his words in suffering and weighed them too heavily.
The speech of a despairing man is for the wind to take and dissipate in the air. Better to allow a friend that grace than to heavily judge their heart.
Lovingly bearing another's burdens is more about presence than words.
Biblically, Job is usually the example of persevering in suffering. However, Job's example as a friend to the despairing also encourages us to be better friends.
In Job 4:3,4 Eliphaz reveals that Job is a good friend to those who were weak and stumbled. He is described as a friend who instructed, supported, and strengthened those in need. We all need confidants like this. The one who comes alongside us when we are weak or stumbling in any manner.
So what happens when the one who lifts us up needs lifting? What happens when they despair and doubt? Well, for Job, we see that he expressed lament and grief in strong cries of surrender. (See Job 3) Ready to give up on life, he is real about his pain and feelings. Eliphaz picks up on his tone in this. unfortunately, he weighs his words too heavily and reproofs Job for it. (See Job 4-5)
Yet Job understands that the words of people in despair are not to be taken too seriously. Even his own. The verse above says, "The speech of a despairing man is wind." The phrase is "for the wind." The speech of a despairing man is for the wind to take and dissipate in the air. Better to allow a friend that grace than to heavily judge their heart too quickly.
Thoughtful and delicate discernment is needed. Loving others when they are burdened allows a friend to have their say- to get it out of their system, in desperate emotional cries. Do not be fearful that they are backsliding or assuming they are sinning. Hear them out. Be empathetic. You may feel uncomfortable, but embrace the truth that Ecclesiastes 3:7 says that there is "a time to keep silence, and a time to speak." Don't share apparent cold truths and platitudes too quickly.
It Can Be Hard to See Our Loved Ones at Their Wits' End.
Now, I get it. We don't all want friends who give up on life or faith. But we are not to be afraid of their passion, pain, and words spoken in times of despair. Sometimes, if we speak too soon, our words or actions can add to their problem instead of encouraging them. Please hear the wisdom of James: "quick to listen, slow to speak. "(Read James 1:19)
Proverbs 17:17 says: "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Lovingly bearing the burdens of our friends (See Galatians 6:2) involves the presence of someone with a caring ear, a tender prayer, a thicker skin, strong shoulders, and a thoughtful, kind heart for the moment or season they are going through.
Sure, be prayerful and careful about when and what you encourage with your words. But remember this reassurance as well: for our brothers and sisters in despair, Christ is present, ministering to the depth of the heartache they are experiencing and crying out about.
The Lord is relieving burdens you cannot affect and keeping their heart faithful to himself in ways your words of truth will not be able to speak to.
Be the burden-bearing friend who you'd want by your side in your trials.
Be a burden-bearing friend when it's uncomfortable.
Be a burden-bearing friend when they express despair.
Yet, carry their burden gently to Jesus.
Yes, you can be a source of relief through Christ, but remember you are not their Savior.
Yes, you should comfort in the shadow of their suffering, but you are not THE Comforter, like God the Holy Spirit is. Give room for those in despair to express cries to the One Whose Yoke is Easy and Burden Light (see Matthew 11:28-30) when you're in their presence. Give room to the Holy Spirit to form and heal the brokenhearted.
God will use your words at times. He will also use your presence. Simply be sensitive to the Spirit's leading for you in such matters and trust your friend to the Lord's keeping grace.